"If you love, without love in cause, that is, if your loving as loving does not produce anti-love, if you make a expression of life as a loving man you not to loved one , so your love is impotent, a misfortune "(Karl Marx)
love, capitalism, and Online Dates
After the German-American social psychologist, philosopher and psychoanalyst Erich Fromm (1900 - 1980) depends on the mental health of the people from uniting with other people connect to them in relationship. According to Fromm, there are "[...] only a passion that satisfies the need of man, become one with the world and simultaneously gain a sense of individuality and integrity. Love" (Fromm, E. (2004) , p. 34) The experience of love is the only answer to the question of what it means to be a human being and only guaranteed mental health. (ibid., p. 35) It is therefore not surprising that, apart from the biological aspects such as, above all, the reproduction / species preservation concern / promise, many people looking for the "right partner" or the "right partner" are. In Germany, a widely used version of the Dating online dating. "Per month, according to company singlebörsenvergleich.de (2009a), approximately 6.3 million people dating on the net claim ." (Dombrowski, J., 2011, p. 7) The search for love on the net for many people have become an important aspect. According to the survey by Emnid (Media and Social Research) in 2003, the Germans get to most often next to the job from friends and know the web. Five million German to participate in an online study of ARD and ZDF to find partners on the web. A lucrative business, because sometimes even legitimate providers charge around 50 € fee per month. (See Der Spiegel, issue 45/2010, p. 80 ff)
I asked myself the question of how the "love" in our time, the capitalist economic and social system has changed and what role Internet, or the Online dating may have it. Similar the ideal of beauty are also (love) relationship subject to changes over time. For example, marriage was the 17th and 18 Century, a religious obligation and anchoring material. The marriage was not the individual happiness, but for example, securing the succession. The marriage was a largely closed access to the individual, social connections living and working form in which men and women set up in the details of everyday life, work, business and the sex was, what to do and had to leave. The fact that not everyone has kept it is, at this point not farther. But at least this was the social norm in force. During the early modernization is diminished sense of overarching context of social forms of existence. In the separation of families and economic sphere breaks the labor market and economic union of man and woman. (See Beck, U. and Beck-Gernsheim, E. (2004), p. 21 f.) "The rapid development of our modern industrial society, the increasing employment of women, the expected further job reductions, restructuring the professions and so force the legal system to unbiased openness to new forms of life in marriage and family. " (ibid., p. 42)
Today is of the opinion that marriage is a period that ends upon the death of her husband, but by agreement of two economic-oriented contractors. (See Bolz, N. (2004), p. 239) also in other literature can find links and images that reveal the "love" as the subordination of the capitalist system. (See for example: Kemper, H. Sonnenschein, U. (2004) (ed.): The love of adventure inventory of a messy feeling, F. a. M.:.. Suhrkamp Or: Busch, H., Ebrey , A (2008) (ed.): Love in capitalism casting.: Psycho-social Publisher)
The media philosopher Norbert Bolz appears that is similar to the handling of "love" the consumer behavior in our present society. The stimulating, the most pleasurable consumption is not the satisfaction of needs, but especially in the non-satisfaction, resulting from the desire for consumption. In the so-called affluent society in which we live, come often to the feeling of boredom, so Bolz. From this sense we can only deliver the stimulation of innovation. Even purely neurological, is that boredom is the enemy of the brain. "That's why we need sports, hobbies, sex, drugs and music. And for the Sociology of Neurology is it not far. The basic dynamics of modern life is the flight from boredom " (Bolz, N. (2004), p. 234) This feeling is also reflected in interpersonal re: sexuality as a recognizable form of consumption. This is certainly the pill contributed to increasingly "sex for fun" possible machte.In the 1960s there was the belief that sexual happiness is only in marriage and not outside to find it. (See Matthiesen, S. (2008), p. 82). I think I can reap without contradiction, claim that sich diese Ansicht in der Gegenwartsgesellschaft weitestgehend aufgelöst hat. Zwar ist die Liebe eine Option, da diese aber unökonomisch und zeitraubend ist, muss sie zunehmend martktförmig kontrolliert werden. Wer „clever“ ist, schließt aus den Scheidungsstatistiken dass es ein zu hohes Risiko wäre, alle Gefühle in eine Beziehung zu investieren. (Seit den 1960er Jahren ist in der ehemaligen DDR sowie in der BRD ein Rückgang der Zahl der Eheschließungen bei gleichzeitigem Anstieg der Ehescheidungen zu erkennen. Vgl. hierzu: Büchner, P. (et al.) (1997), S. 35 f. ). Das Neue beziehungsweise „die“ oder „der Neue“ ersetzt das Wesentliche. Deshalb kann nur noch das Neue (bzw. „der“ oder „die Neue“) für Wesentlich gehalten werden. „Sein ist Erregtsein“! (Vgl. Bolz, N. (2004), S. 234 ff.) Auch wenn die Auffassung des Medienphilosophen provokant und möglicherweise einseitig dargestellt ist, so beschreibt diese doch treffend die Wirklichkeit. Das von Bolz angedeutete „Marktförmige“ lässt sich beispielsweise auch bei der Partnerwahl im Internet wiederfinden. Typisch für die Partnersuche im Internet ist das Anlegen eines standardisierten Katalogs, in dem Attribute wie Geschlecht, Alter, Kleidungsstil, Musical tastes, etc. specified. This background information should make it easier for placing the adverts to find the "right" partners and to be found. (See Döring, N. (2003): p. 10) As in a OTTO catalog you can browse the catalog people. According to Fromm, the love in our time "[...] is often nothing but a favorable exchange transaction between two people who beat it out according to their market value on the person as much as possible for themselves. Each represents a 'package' is, in the several aspects of its exchange value to a 'personality' packed together. " (Fromm, E. (2004), S. 129.) Hierunter fallen, ähnlich wie bei der Zurschaustellung in der Online-Partnerbörse, Aussehen, Bildung, Einkünfte und Erfolgsaussichten und jedermann ist bemüht, soviel wie möglich für dieses Paket einzuhandeln. Nach Fromm handelt es sich hierbei um ein Symptom der Entfremdung, die dem Gesellschaftscharakter des modernen Menschen innewohnt (Vgl. ebd, S. 130). Den Begriff der Entfremdung, den auch Karl Marx verwendete, um die durch den Kapitalismus aufgehobene bzw. zerstörte ursprünglich natürliche Beziehung zwischen Mensch und Arbeit darzulegen, fasst Fromm etwas weiter, indem er unter Entfremdung nicht nur die Beziehung des modernen Menschen understand his work. Man can also in relationship to the things he consumes, with the state and its people and to themselves be alienated. "The alienated person in contact with itself has just as lost as he has lost contact with other people." (Ibid., p. 107)
also in the relationship between husband and wife, and between man and man and woman and woman, there is again the alienation. One finds nowadays not much love or hatred in interpersonal relationships. There is rather superficial because liability, Fromm. In the Spiegel 45/2010 edition, in which it comes to online dating and partnerships to report many women that they have lost because of the many online dates, the feeling of "being in love." It seems as if alone in our society, a stigma. The search for the right partner is unending, and the dating sites on the net multiply that misery (See Der Spiegel, issue 45/2010 p. 80 f.) The psychologist and couples therapist Claudia Clasen-Holzberg, the for 20 years running her practice, has observed in the last five to ten years, in women around thirty a growing helplessness in the face of great freedom, there is many choices. Many fall into a disability, sich überhaupt noch für jemanden zu entscheiden. „Vielleicht sitzt der traumhaftere Traummann ja morgen auf dem Flug nach Frankfurt neben mir, vielleicht werde ich wunschlos glücklich mit dem IT-Manager, 83 Matchingpoints, aus Berlin, der gern ins Theater geht. […] Der ambivalente Wunsch nach Bindung und Autonomie gleichermaßen droht uns zu zerreißen.“ (Ebd.) Und das wird bei Männern ähnlich sein.
Es stellt sich somit die Frage, inwiefern die „Kontaktbörse Internet“ die Entfremdung des Menschen widerspiegelt oder diese gar protegiert.
Man darf sich now automatically search for the love and the life that one likes. The love is there like a lunch buffet, you can take out what you want. "All you can eat". A paradise of possibilities. A terror of the possibilities. We are overwhelmed. The hope is always there, that there "is a better / better" might come, "satisfaction, satisfied, does this have to do for many just give up but something with it. But when our time touted something, but that anything is possible. Why settle for less? " (ibid., p. 83)
" Is the "love" the owner's spouse has become boring? Oh, I examined with the halt or the Next / n! "It seems this would be the motto of the contemporary society. The text in this much-quoted Erich Fromm, who is above all with his work "The Art of Loving" has become known, differs from the "love" between the subject matter of "having" and "being." In the way of "being" is to love [...] a productive being active, it implies to take for someone (or something) to care to know him, on him to acknowledge him to enjoy it - it was a man, a tree, an image, an idea. It means he (she, it) bring to life, to increase his (her) alive. " (Fromm, E. (1979), p. 52) love in the form of" being "is as in Fromm a process seen having a renewed and fuels. If the "love", however, in the way of having experienced, this means according to the social psychologists, "[...] the object that you 'love' to limit to capture or control. Such love is strangling, paralyzing, suffocating, killing instead of invigorating. What is called love, is often a misuse of the word, to conceal the fact that in reality is not loved. " (Ibid.) " love" as a form of "having" can but vonstattengehen also much more subtle: In the time of advertising, such as in finding a partner on the Internet is still not one of the other security, the placing the adverts by finding each other to win. In Fromm's words, they are "lively, attractive, interesting [...]" (Ibid., p.53) None the other has already spent so everyone's energy to be, that is, stimulate and to give. (Ibid)
Over the relationship it comes to Fromm, if you are in the nature of "having" is, in addition, that nobody must be won, "because love has become something that one has, to a possession." (Ibid.) The mistake could have love , has tempted us to stop loving. possibly the existence of the form of having the passive understanding of love, creator of our despair? Author of our eternal search for "Mr. Right / the right" to administer the will but not in the form of existence of having? On the question of "whether there is a pair of exchange with which you want to," replies a single concise: "'A happy couple,' says the lawyer, 'I mean, a really happy? If I look closely, I see none. You all as much as I doubt anyone can for himself, only just (79 OF MIRRORS, (2010) S.) in a relationship. " it in a society dominated by capitalism generally an active, seinorientierte love may be referred to Erich Fromm? Or is it long since lost in the form of existence of having?
FA
Used literature:
Beck, U./Beck-Gernsheim, E. (1994): Individualisierung in modernen Gesellschaften – Perspektiven und Kontroversen einer subjektorientierten Soziologie. In: Beck, U./Beck-Gernsheim, E. (Hrsg.): Riskante Freiheiten. Frankfurt am Main: suhrkamp.
Bolz, Norbert (2004): Das Begehren und der Konsum. In: Kemper, Peter/Sonnenschein, Ulrich (hrsg.): Das Abenteuer Liebe. Bestandsaufnahme eines unordentlichen Gefühls. Frankfurt am Main: suhrkamp
Büchner, P./Fuhs, B./Krüger, H.-H. (1997): Transformation der Eltern-Kind-Beziehungen? Facetten der Kindbezogenheit of parenting behavior in East and West Germany. In: Tenorth, H.-E.: Journal of Education. Supplement 37th Weinheim etc.: Beltz.
Dombrowski, Julia (2011): The search for love on the net. An ethnography of online dating. Bielefeld: transcript Verlag.
Döring, Nicola (2003): Internet love: The technical media coverage of intimate communication.
URL. Http://content.wuala.com/contents/nappan/Documents/D% C3% B6ring,% 20N% 20% 282 003% 29% 20 -% 20to% 20INTERNET-love ..% 20technischen 20Mediatisierung%%% 20intimer 20Kommunikation.pdf (accessed 03/07/2011).
Fromm, Erich (1979): Haben oder Sein. Die seelischen Grundlagen einer neuen Gesellschaft. Stuttgart: dtv.
Fromm, Erich (2004): Wege aus einer kranken Gesellschaft. Eine sozialpsychologische Untersuchung. 4. Aufl. München: dtv.
Matthiesen, Silja (2008): Zum sozialen Wandel von Liebesbeziehungen und Sexualität. In: Busch, Hans-Joachim/Ebrecht Angelika (hrsg.): Liebe im Kapitalismus. Gießen: Psychosozial Verlag.
Voigt, Claudia (2010): Die Paarungsfalle. DER SPIEGEL Ausgabe 45/2010.
URL: http://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-74948235.html (abgerufen am 07.03.2011 ).
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